


In That Moment

by Im_The_Doctor (Bofur1)



Series: Culture Shock [9]
Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, Doctor Who Feels, F/M, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Loneliness, Post-Time War, Pre Episode s01e01: Rose, The Doctor on His Own
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-25
Updated: 2014-03-25
Packaged: 2018-01-17 00:09:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1366741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bofur1/pseuds/Im_The_Doctor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Sarah..."</p><p>Of all the people he had ever loved, only she was left. The Doctor ran, leaping over cracks in the pavement and toys left strewn about. He needed her; he needed her as he never had before.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In That Moment

The Doctor sat near the console with his face buried in his hands, his panting breaths in time with the TARDIS’s engines. He didn’t know where he was being taken, even though he’d only set the coordinates five minutes ago.

Or had it been ten minutes? Fifteen? Thirty?

The Doctor lifted his head slowly, almost sluggishly. His blue eyes were glazed, clouded with the Schism, with the time that raced past his ears like Gallifreyan winds.

Gallifrey...all of Gallifrey’s time, spending in front of him. Seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years, decades, centuries, eras—and the fall that had happened in only a moment. The Moment.

The TARDIS lurched to a stop and he brought himself to his feet, somberly heading for the door. The TARDIS hummed in concern; The Doctor usually bounded outside to see if he'd landed anywhere exciting and dangerous. The Doctor sighed.

"Too much danger and excitement of late, my girl. I need somewhere quiet so I can...think." He opened the door anyway, too tired to run around the console trying to go somewhere else. A neighborhood was spread before him, peaceful and undisturbed by the chaos and evil The Doctor could feel in the rest of the universe.

"Oh..." Stepping out of the TARDIS and closing the door behind him, The Doctor started on a walk. "Fantastic," he murmured as he studied the fruits on the trees, pink and ripe, ready to spill forth vibrant red juice as soon as one dared to bite.

The Doctor pressed his eyes closed against the vision of a crimson flood, the juice, the life of his people draining, their cores peeled away and devoured by the flame. He ducked his head and quickened his pace.

The sky abruptly swirled into motion, splashing The Doctor's face and neck with a breeze that gave him chills even through his leather jacket. He halted once more, breathed deeply, and caught the scent of an oncoming storm. He, The Oncoming Storm, he loved the rain...Taking another gulp of the air, The Doctor accepted the melancholia that came with the pleasure.

Oh, the rains on Gallifrey, they were a sight to see: shushing and spattering against the glass dome surrounding the Capital, pooling around its base and fertilizing the dewy red grass.

But the living beings, they were what caught The Doctor's attention. He watched as an elderly woman across the street washed her windows. It was such a simple task, such a simple choice, The Doctor mused in envious awe. To wash the windows or not? So easy when compared to the Choice he had made. His gaze moved on.

There, a cat sifting through the ruins of an overturned trash bin. The Doctor was sifting too, sifting through the ruins of his overturned life.

"Ouch!" he yelped as a skateboard smacked his toes. The boy riding it stopped and turned back toward him.

"Sorry!" he apologized.

The Doctor glared for a few seconds more before his face softened into inner pain. The stranger's face held the innocence of youth, just as the Gallifreyan children did. Used to. All 2.47 billion of them used to look like this boy, and in this moment this boy looked like them.

"You okay?" The boy waved a hand in front of The Doctor's face, causing him to startle slightly.

"Yeah, I'm fantastic," he blurted a bit too hastily. The stranger was about to pursue the subject, but someone called his name at that moment.

"Luke! Come inside, it's time to eat!"

Luke glanced at The Doctor one more time before hopping on his skateboard and heading toward the voice. The Doctor watched, almost entranced, as the boy's mother emerged on the front step. As soon as his eyes settled on her face, The Doctor could no longer control his body. Trembling violently, choked little gasps tearing his throat, The Doctor stumbled a few steps forward. Hope and heartache swelled in him, all projected in his one whispered word.

"Sarah..."

Of all the people he had ever loved, only she was left. The Doctor ran, leaping over cracks in the pavement and toys left strewn about. He needed her; he needed her as he never had before. He felt his opera cape, his scarf, his hearts soaring with each footfall. He still had someone left!

Then his hopes crashed when Sarah took one look at him approaching and pointed to the sign in her window.

"Sorry, we don't take solicitors," she said in a gentle but finalizing tone.

The Doctor stumbled slightly as he stopped in front of her and her son, mouth agape. He shook his head slightly.

"N-no..."

Sarah blinked at him for a few moments before putting a hand on his right shoulder. "Are you alright?" she asked.

The Doctor could feel the strength of her grip, the deftness of her fingers, the weight of her wedding ring. The Doctor's wide eyes shifted to Luke, staring at him with the same curiosity as his mother.

The Doctor backed away from her touch, panicking. He had to leave, had to let her get on with her life, even if it meant letting the last tiny thread of his life be cut from him. He couldn't contain the three tears that slid down his trembling jaw.

"No," he whispered again. The Doctor turned tail and fled, never looking back until he knew that all he would see was the inside of a TARDIS door.

He slid down against it, moaning into his knees, which were drawn up to his chest. When he could finally look up without blurry vision, in that moment, The Doctor knew.

He needed a companion.


End file.
